New poll finds most Americans not keen on being droned to death

Satirist… Andy Borowitz has the exclusive results in the New Yorker:

In a possible setback for the Administration’s controversial drone policy, a new poll conducted by the University of Minnesota shows that a broad majority of Americans are opposed to being killed by a drone strike on U.S. soil.

The poll, which has a margin of error of plus or minus five percentage points, showed that ninety-seven per cent of those surveyed “strongly agreed” with the statement, “I personally do not want to be killed by a drone,” with three per cent responding, “Don’t know/No opinion.”

“There’s no other way to interpret these numbers,” said the University of Minnesota’s Davis Logsdon, who oversaw the survey. “The idea of being killed by a drone is not playing well out there.”

And while the poll numbers may not augur well for the Administration’s expanding use of drones, the response was even more negative in a focus group of likely drone victims.

One member of that group, a forty-three-year-old male from St. Paul, complained that “it doesn’t even seem like the government is trying to come up with alternatives to killing us with drones.”

“It seems like they could figure out some kind of system where instead of just being killed by a drone, people could maybe present evidence to see if they’re guilty or not,” he said.

At the White House, spokesman Jay Carney tried to make the best of the poll results, telling reporters, “Look, people are afraid of getting killed by a drone. We get that. But there is still broad public support for drones killing somebody else.”