Blackwater Fever – The Symptoms

A common disease among international contractors working in Iraq, Afghanistan and various other 3rd world hellholes. Frequently attacks young men with only one war or enlistment under their belt, State Dept agents, Former LEOs, anyone associated with an Ambassadors detail and occasional poseurs. BKWF has many symptoms; if you have the following you may be infected:

1. Large amount of primping, i.e. mousse in your hair despite the
fact you live in a war zone.

2. Your forearms break out in tattoos, often tribal or USMC related

3. All your shirts are skintight “Under Armor” T-shirts

4. Have used, currently using or consider using steroids

5. Refer to yourself as a “Shooter” or “Operator for Blackwater”

6. Look down upon all other PSD teams that are NOT on the
Ambassadors Detail, to include other Blackwater employees.

7. Grow a beard to blend in with the locals, even though you are a
6ft tall blonde with a “Death before Dishonor” tattoo.

8. Think the UN pool is a good place to pick-up chicks

9. Are arrogant and condescending to people with more experience,
training and who make more money than you.

10. Forget that doing a mission that has been performed in the past
by Tier 1 assets does not make you a Tier 1 asset.

11. Truly believe you look good in Speedos

12. Despite the fact there are laundry facilities available you
insist on wearing a dirty brown T-shirt with your blood type in black magic
marker to work.

13. You wear a shemagh as an ascot to fit in with the locals

14. Because you are a “High Speed-Low Drag” PSD guy you think long
hair and an unkempt beard looks professional.

15. You are familiar with doing “high threat PSD with CAT team and
Air assets”.

16. Look puzzled when someone refers to the pool as a “Sausage Fest”

17. You carry a drop-leg holster, wear a Federal Agent Badge, flash
bangs, 5 or more pistol mags, asp, handcuffs, surefire light , leatherman,
on your belt and a Gerber mark II strapped to the outside of your boot, in the
embassy complex.

18. Thursday night is your favorite night of the week.

19. A drunken, naked, Englishman has pissed on the air vents of your trailer

20. You have excellent kit.

21. When your advance goes out on mission, Army MPs secure your

22. Believe by running locals off the road you are winning their
“hearts & minds”.

23. Despite earning a six figure income you wear a ragged ball cap
that has not ever been washed

24. Your 9 man PSD team consists of 34 men, 6 armored SUVs, 2 Army
Stryker vehicles, an MP company, 2 “little birds” and 2 AH-64
gunships. With an AC-130 on call!

25. Your entire wardrobe can be purchased at Brigade Quartermasters.

26. You have a Blackhawk credit card.

27. You refer to Myock as “The Farm”

28. You know what color the boathouse at Hereford is.

29. The girls talk to you because you “make the big bucks”

30. You have a Bear paw tattoo

31. The most dangerous thing you have ever done is: PSD!

32. You blouse your Royal Robins 5.11 pants into your boots

33. Often email pictures of yourself in body armor, weapons and kit
to all your friends, family and anybody that you have their email address.

34. Believe people really give a shit about seeing multiple pictures
of you in your body armor, weapons and kit.

35. If you have ever gotten drunk and pointed loaded weapon at your
best friend and thought it” was FUN!”

36. You demonstrated your “quick draw” technique to your girlfriend.

37. You have been seen wearing a black boonie hat, black shirt,
black pants, black boots, black body armor, black ammo pouches and a MP5in
a desert environment when its 110 degrees

38. You refer to yourself as a “rock n’ roll mercenary”

39. Despite having tons of assets-you have not left the Embassy Compound
since July.

40. As it has gets colder instead of wearing a long sleeve shirt,
you wear long underwear with a short sleeve golf shirt. But the golf shirt
has your company logo on it.

41. You have ridden a bicycle off the diving board into a swimming
pool and thought you were impressing people.

42. You spray paint your weapon into a desert camo pattern, though you
only operate in a urban envoirment

43. An MP5 is your primary weapon

44. All your T-shirts have a police, military, weapon, or SWAT
school logo on them

45. Chasing pussy is more important than your job performance

46. A chap from CRG has had to give you a lesson in manners, after
you pushed him out of your principles way. Even though the lad had
already stepped aside.”

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